talking to firzan never fail to make me wonder this and that.
wonder why am i in this situation again. only that i don't expect more from him. neither am i falling for him. wait. am i?
*thinks*
ok, no. i'm not. i'm just attracted to the way he thinks, the way he talks, the way he jokes. yes, just interesting.
but sometimes i just find it hard to interact. hard to be glued (lol). he feels the same way too.
how do i know?
he told me. see how honest he is.

so now i wonder, if i hadn't answered his call that night. or replied his messages, would he be a lonely man now? now that he's single. ok, lonely man sounds crude. but yeah, you get my point. then sometimes i wonder also.. if we know we can't get glued to each other, why are we still talking on the phone at night (eventhough it's not every night)?

if he know that we can't be together for whatever the reasons, he should at least step back a bit right? and here at home, my mom thinks that i'm giving him hope. when i, myself is in no position of giving him hope. i think it's the other way. but no lah. i'll try to think it's not hope. it's just that we're trying to make the friendship closer. lol. friendship ke ape bebual malam2 eh. hahahaha.

oh yeah.. sometimes i wonder about what my girlfriends said the other day at mosi. sometimes i wish to ask him, but i don't want him to think differently or disappointed with my question.

so, we talked about him being single and all. about him asking his friends about girls. and him jokingly asking his customer service officers about their daughters. then i told him to go and look for one. you know, i do want him to go look for one and not just let me hang around nowhere. i have a life too you know. haha. but deep inside also, i know i'm gonna miss him. what not, with his jokes, his interesting stories, his deep thoughts and many more. that's all i'm gonna miss. because physically, we still have not met. after 2 years. yes, that's another case. and to think about it, i am still not ready to meet him just like how he finds it difficult to meet. another honesty.

after typing all that shit, i still don't know what's the purpose of it. crap lah kan. i'm in my 'wondering' mode. wonder this and that. and i can't believe that even typing this crap can be in a few paragraphs. HAHA.