life has been shitty.
yes, it is.
everytime i'm outside, i'll think.
everytime i get home, i'll think.
it's not like me to think so much.
but what's this?

yes, the message was for you. but i acted on impulse.
i did it because i was disappointed. and sad. and mad as well.
and i tried controlling what i felt in the train. but still, tears rolled out.
i'm just so scared about this friday. and i just hope you were there.
i was expecting a yes, you're in campus or a no, you're outside studying.
but you were out with other people.
how am i supposed to feel?
but then again, i'm really really sorry.
i was being really selfish.

but it got me thinking why you were mad.
because you said, you won't tell.
yes..
think. think. think.
and i think because i think too much, everything really gets me.
urgh!

whatever i felt after that message, it didn't get any better.
because i felt i've wronged you.
and up till now, i still feel the same.
urgh! i'm just mad at myself.
will you forgive me?

i better get ready now to go to the clinic and off to school.

yours trully,
Syah